alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
