Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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