I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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