I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
