So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
