Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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