I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
