if you like me you must not know who I am
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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