Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
