Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
