I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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