Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dick very happy bro
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
