i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize