my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
