So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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