so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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