are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone came in the potted fern
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
