maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
