we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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