Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
