pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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