Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
