we're chasing vodka with high fives
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
