planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
