I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
