i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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