that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
