Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
