Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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