i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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