Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
