Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
