K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
