Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you didnt know i had herpes?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
