Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need a beard to bite.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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