dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
