is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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