I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
