i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
