I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
