I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
