I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
