I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
