ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
