Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
