I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
