So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
