The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
