Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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