i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
