i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
