Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
