it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
