everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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