Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
