I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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