break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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