They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
