So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
