i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
