dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
