My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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