I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
