now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
