my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's just like the Real World with babies
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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