I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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