she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
