i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
