I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
