Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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