Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
