Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
